Hermione Granger and The Garden Gnome
by LoneFeniXXX
Summary: Set before The Goblet of Fire. During her stay at the Weasley's Hermione comes across one nasty little garden gnome who just won't go away.


Here it is, my first ever Harry Potter Fic! Set right before Chapter one in Goblet of Fire, this fic was inspired by those old Bugs Bunny-Elmer Fudd Cartoons. It's unbeta'd so far warning of spelling errors.

Disclaimer: JK Rowlingcreated everything Harry Potter, I just wish I did. Warner Brothers, Bloomsberry(I think),and Scholastic also own rights too it. I own squat.

Anyways, here it is for your comic enjoyment.

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"Hermione...Hermione...Time to wake up"

Hermione felt someone nudge her shoulder. It had been a week since she started staying at the Weasleys for the summer and being woken up around 6 am...and she absolutely hated being woken up at 6 am. Her inner clock was set to a wake up time of 7:05 on the nose, nothing more, nothing less. She rolled over; his eyes slowly beginning to focus on the person who had waken her up, Ginny. Hermione liked Ginny, but she slowly getting to the point that if Ginny had woken up her up again, the Weasleys would have one less mouth to feed.

"Come on Hermione, Mum's almost done with breakfast."

Ginny dashed from the room before Hermione could say anything. Hermione slowly got out of bed, Crookshanks looking up at her for only a second before laying his head back down.

"Lucky fur ball" Hermione grunted. She stretched as she walked across the floor. She yelped a bit when she stubbed her toe on one of the books she read last night for a bit of light reading: Quidditch_ Through The Ages_ by Kennilworthy Whisp, _Gillyweed and Other Magical Plants _by Beaumont Marjoribanks, _Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them _by Newt Scamander, _The Falsified Facts of Leprechauns, Dwarfs, and Elves and the truths behind them_ by Klam Kadiddlehopper, _Gnomes, Doxy's, and Fairy's: The Pest of the Wizarding World_ by Polydore Cymbeline, and a muggle book called "a graphic novel" entitled _Sin City_ by Frank Miller. She hadn't dare tell Ron about _Sin City_, she knew he would do nothing but ask her about comic books even though she would explain to him three hundred and fifty times the difference between comics and graphic novels. She walked out in the hallway and watched Mrs. Weasley come out of her bedroom. Hermione's eyes slowly opened in shock.

"Mrs. Weasley?" Hermione questioned.

"Good morning Hermione" yawned Mrs. Weasley.

"But Ginny said you had breakfast almost done!"

"Oh...she does that every now and then to get us up, for some reason that girl wants us all up at 6am, but she only does that when Harry's around or about to come over" said Molly heading down stairs. Hermione rolled her eyes in the back of her head, it seemed Ginny still had a small crush on Harry, no matter who she was dating now. Maybe she was dating someone to make Harry jealous Hermione thought. Whatever the reason, Hermione knew it would probably be worse tomorrow since Mr. Weasley, Fred, George, and Ron where going to pick up Harry from the Dursley's. Hermione went down stairs to find Percy already there. He was looking over papers from the ministry and still talking about his new boss Mr. Crouch and as usual Fred and George where teasing him.

"...If Mr. Crouch heard you two talk with such vulgar language..."

"He'd send us to Azkaban and you'd agree with his decision while cleaning his hinny after his three o'clock bowel movement" quipped George. Hermione stifled a giggle under her breath. She hated to admit it but she found Fred and George to be quiet funny. The only problem with letting Fred and George know she found them funny was that Fred and George would know she found them funny which would give them incredible leeway in the future if she became a Prefect next year.

Time seemed to slowly pass that morning, as Ron and Mr. Weasley came down stairs just in time for the breakfast to be served. Hermione shot Ron a look, "How come Ron got to sleep in" she thought, still miffed about her awakening earlier. Breakfast came and went and Hermione went back to her room to read. She had a hard time though, as the three Weasley boys and girl where doing their choirs. She ended up going to the window and watching them, the hours passed and soon lunch came and went, and it was back to the choirs. Around Four O'clock the Weasley four re-entered the house, and Hermione went down to ask them why they where out there spinning around and what they where throwing. When she got down stairs, Hermione's surprise, Mr. Weasley was home early with a smile on his face.

"It's all set, we got a direct line to Harry's Aunt and Uncles house for tonight only" said Mr. Weasley taking a sip of tea.

"Can I go dad?" Squeaked Ginny. Fred and George snickered at her.

"Still got a crush on ol' Harry Gin?" laughed Fred.

"I do not!" shouted Ginny who was blushing and not doing a good job of hiding it.

"Ginny, you can't go. Your going to help me around the house remember?" reminded Mrs. Weasley. Ginny looked down and kicked the air.

"All right boys, we're all set to pick up Harry to..."

"They can't go Arthur..."

"Why not Molly?"

"They haven't finished de-gnoming the yard yet!"

"Your crazy Mom, we finished it a few minutes ago, we tossed the last one over the fence!" protested George. Hermione mentally smacked herself _'Of course, you have to spin around and toss Gnomes in order to get them out of your garden!'_

"YOU FOUR DID, DID YOU? TAKE A LOOK OUTSIDE"

Everyone got up and looked out the nearest window...and sure enough, out in the garden stood a single gnome, taunting them. The four Weasleys looked down and started to walk out, when Hermione spoke up.

"Let me do it!"

The Weasleys turned around and looked at her.

"Hermione dear, you don't have to do that, it's their responsibility" said Mrs. Weasley, but Hermione shook her head.

" I want to do it, I watched them do it this afternoon...how hard could it be to get rid of one little garden gnome?" said Hermione as she walked out the back door and into the garden.

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Hermione looked around, and there stood the gnome. She raised her wand and shouted flippendo and hit the gnome on the head. She walked over to it and picked it up and raised it over her head as in some kind of victory trophy. She strutted up the edge of the garden and began to spin. around, however unlike when Fred, George, or Ron did it, the gnome bit her. Hermione let the gnome go and grabbed her hand. The gnome looked at her and began taunting her. Hermione raised her wand again as the gnome dove into a hole. Hermione stood over it, glaring down at it.

"Of course your realize, this means war."

Hermione stood over the hole, waiting. She starred down the hole, and felt herself fall to the ground. Hermione looked up, spitting grass out of her mouth. She looked over the shoulder and saw the reason for her fall: The gnome. Hermione turned around and lunged for the gnome, but it jumped out of her grasp. She looked up and saw the gnome bend over in front of her and then came the worst smell that Hermione had ever smelled. She covered her nose and rolled out of the way. The Gnome was mocking her.

"You filthy little bastard!" screamed Hermione. She got to her feet and started throwing random flippendo spells in the gnome's direction. The gnome however quickly hid behind a tree. Hermione crept up on the tree, ready to blast the gnome into tiny bits. She quickly moved to where the gnome was, only to find him gone again. Hermione's eyes widened as she gritted her teeth together, How did the little monster evade her she had her eyes set forward on that tree, it couldn't have ran away from it or moved around it with out her knowing. Suddenly she felt an acorn thwack her on the head. She looked up to see the gnome jump down on her head and begin pulling on her hair. She screamed in pain as the gnome began to ride on her head like he was a cowboy trying to ride a bull. It soon jumped off her head and dived back into its hole. Hermione trembled in anger, and noticed Mr. Weasleys shed was open. She walked in, looking for something to help her win this war with the gnome. She searched around as Mrs. Wesley entered with a glass on lemonade in her hand.

"Thought you'd want something to drink Hermione, You've been outside for nearly a quarter of an hour. I hope that gnome's not giving you too much trouble. The boys won't be leaving for another hour; I'll send them out if you need help." Mrs. Weasley said putting the glass on her husbands' workbench. Hermione just looked over at her.

"Mrs. Weasley, that gnome is the reincarnation of You-Know-Who" spoke Hermione in a low growl. Mrs. Weasley just nodded her head and slowly backed out of the shed as Hermione continued her search. She opened a box and a smile crept over her lips as she stared down at its continents: mousetraps. Taking it she left the shed and quickly placed them around the entrance of the troll's den. She laughed to herself as she strolled back to the shed to fetch the glass of lemonade. She sat there, watching for any movement as she giggled to herself. She looked around and noticed she had company on her left side...the gnome. She quickly sprang to her feet as the gnome headed back to its den. She chased after it, smiling as it got closer to the mousetraps. However, the unexpected happened as the gnome leapt over the mousetraps. Hermione jumped as well, expect the gnome jumped back at her and knocked her straight down, her right toe hitting a mousetrap. Hermione yelped in pain as the gnome started dancing, and ran off in the other direction. In anger, Hermione grabbed a rock and threw it...hitting the gnome on the head, knocking it out cold.

Hermione took the mousetrap off her foot and walked over to the gnome. She kicked it with her left foot, and the gnome didn't move. Hermione stood their silent, slowly beginning to laugh hard, eventually pounding on her chest and shouting primal noises. The Weasleys came out to she the commotion, watching Hermione dance around. Fred and George applauded her.

"Great job Hermione! Now just chuck the little bugger!" shouted Fred. Hermione shook her head as she grabbed the gnomes' legs. She spun around as hard and fast as she could and finally threw the gnome out of the garden.

"Nice one Hermione...It's past the haystack!"

"That's the 50 feet mark Fred...now it's over the neighbors farm...That gnome is gone! Congratulations Hermione, you've got to have the gnome throwing record, that gnome's probably still flying threw the air."

Hermione smirked and walked back into The Burrow. Ron just shook his head with a smile.  
"I told you guys she's brilliant...scary but brilliant. I wonder where the gnome landed."

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The Gnome quickly dived under a couch. It didn't seem the blonde hair family didn't seem to like him crashing threw the window and farting on the blonde ladies head.

"DRACO HELP ME GET THIS BLOODY LITTLE BEAST!" shouted Luicius Malfoy, his gloved hand grabbing at thin air under the couch. His wife Narcissia was busy in the bathroom throwing up and trying to get the smell of gnome gas out of her hair. The gnome had exited from the other side of the couch, and Draco dived for it the same time his father did, their head's connecting against each other in the air, knocking both for a loop. The gnome stood on their heads and began doing his victory dance, clearly these three where going to be more fun then the girl with the big bushy hair.

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R/R. 


End file.
